A lot has been going on in my life the past few weeks, some good some bad and some indifferent. I have been recently diagnosed with a cancerous tumour which I am on strong medication for and I am not reacting to well to them. After seein a specialist it has been arranged for major surgery to commence as soon as possible, within the next few weeks. I am very nervous and scared of this surgery and my findings of having cancer, though i try to find strength from my Master as well as from within myself.
It is a difficult time and so close to my birthday and christmas, i can only hope and pray i shall be on the recovery side sooner rather than later.
Have found out i have another sister, as Master has collared another since i have been away. Another i probably wont know much if anything about. It seems like we are all in boxes, being kept away from one another, having not much if any details about one another and unable to even talk to one another due to not having id's. I know my Master has his reasons, i just have to accept and just serve him as best as i can

Overstepped the Line

Overstepped the line today and showed the most disrespect to my Master,which i do not expect to be forgiven for, so this may be the last entry in this blog. I cannot right the wrong for what i did and was not called for. Frustration and anger set in and i did not hold my tongue as i supposed have done.
Things were spoken on both parts, which hurt one another. If i am to return to being on my own, so be it, i do not expect anything more. My heart is breaking, but i only have myself to blame.

Doing Okay

Doing okay, i guess.
Looking forward in Master getting his new computer, hopefully things can get back to normal then.

Update

Slowly beginning to get my sleeping pattern to some reasonable times and not having many nightmares,as of yet. I am hoping that the nightmares have finally quit after a few weeks of having them on a nightly basis, which were making me ill and unable to serve my Master to my best ability.
I love my Master so much and am very thankful that he has more patience with me than what i do for myself, coz i would have quit on myself a long time ago.

Sleep Deprivation

For the past few weeks, one has been having serious problems with sleeping. The same nightmare occurs on a very regular basis and it is something that is now beginning to effect my whole life. It is getting me down and keeping me there, even though my Master has mentioned a few things to me. One thing i try very hard to do, but unable to do such, i get close but then shake so hard, uncontrollably. As my nightmare is about drowning, and i have a fear of such, it was suggested that i try to place my face in a bowl of water, which i am unable to do. As a child i went under water at a swimming pool, when out on a school swimming lesson. From that day onwards i have had a fear of drowning. Why i am getting the same nightmare i do not know. It has only been happening since moving back into my old childhood room. Whilst i was sleeping on the couch, i had nightmares yes, now and then, but nothing as strong as what this one is. Gee, i mean, every night? Surely there is something wrong with this.
Went for tests and scans after seeing my doctor. I have now been contacted by the doctor who has the resuts back. Nervousness and worry set in more, as i have to wait until Monday to see him, and find out what, if anything, is wrong.
I feel such a burden upon Master and i do admit i did beg release, knowing that one is unable to serve her Master as well as she should be able to. Of course, Master said no, he would not release me, just because i am goin through bad health at this moment. He is in this for the long haul and i am so very happy to have heard such. To lose my Master now will mean i will lose everything. I love him very much and it hurt me to beg release more than anyone will ever know.
Still, i feel like i am drifting from my Master and i know not why, not distancing myself, i dont mean that. There is just something that doesnt feel right, but i know not what

After being a right bitch last night, she prays what she has shown to her Master today that she is worthy of keeping her status of fg. Though this is the decision of her Master only, girl knows in her heart she is very capable of such position, if not more so since being with her Master and has been able to show to him what she truly is and shall become.
It is very nice to be part of a family, though at this moment in time, she does not feel very close to any of her sisters, or brother, this is due to not being able to have much one on one with them,, though she prays this is something that can become better, so we can all work together in pleasing our Master and making him extremely happy and proud of who he owns.
Girl is finding herself calling her Master her Superior more often, as she feels it should be. Each time she calls him Superior she feels weak at the knees and very vulnerable, this helps her to remember her place (most of the time...blushes)
Master has a lot of great qualities about him and for this girl loves him more and more with each breath she takes.Master always does the right thing, even when tora feels it is not, He is my Master and tora is his slave, which is a bond which no man/or woman will ever break, no matter how much they may try.

Just a Quickie

Slept on and off all day due to not feeling too good. Have been unable to study due to lack of concentration and a lot of sniffles. This one knows she will have to make up for it over the weekend. One day this one will learn to do things when she should so her weekends shall be free.